Some times you just kinda flop. The season slows down, the purpose gets a little bit vague, and things don’t line up the way your heart wished. The weird thing is I knew this was coming, I saw from afar this season approaching us, I saw Him preparing my heart, wooing me, speaking gently to my pride and revealing the gold that He wants to shine forth. Truly I almost expected to be plunged into the dark, into testing and trial, but God in his beautiful kindness continues to woo and speak His truth over me even in the midst of transition.It’s weird going from constant change to no change at all. It’s almost like He’s moved my heart to a place of complete peace at the transition, and now that the transition is over (for now) I feel a little lost. A little weepy. A little tired. When we cry out - Jesus take my life and use it for Your glory, I think often we have ideas and perceptions of what we think that will look like, and we push and strive, in the process making the pride of our hearts larger and turning away from the humility he offers us.. yet, God, in his unbelievable mercy and love reaches down and says ‘yes, I will use You for my glory.. just be faithful.” This morning he spoke to me out of Matthew 25, about the virgins and the oil. My heart was challenged and grateful when He said..
"Susanna, will you continue to stoke and fan the flame of love in your heart - even if it looks mundane, lame and boring? Will you fill your lamp with oil even when no one sees, when the ‘ministry’ is far from what you want to be doing, when it looks like going low and doing things you never saw yourself doing? Will you choose to be full of my oil, my spirit, my passion, will you keep your heart postured before me in adoration? Will you still love the one I bring to you with a tenacious love, sacrificing ideas about what ‘ministry’ looks like?"
Sometimes in His perfect love, he draws us lovingly into the wilderness. The wilderness looks like dying, to our self, our ideas, our plans.. it looks like leaning into what the hope of our calling looks like - the riches of what lies in eternity walking with our King (Eph 1:18) - rather than dwelling on the bits and pieces here. Fixing our gaze on Jesus, the author and perfecter of the of our faith (Heb 12:2). The wilderness sometimes looks like no direction, no job, no idea.. yet there’s always an oasis and jumping in the river of His presence has never been such a joy.
So today I’m choosing to seek out the truth about who He says I am, and what He says I was made for. A daughter made for love, adopted into His family, with a calling to walk and talk with Him for all of eternity. Let Him speak to you today about who you are and why you were created - because nothing on this earth really is what our calling really looks like. You were made to be a lover, a voluntary lover, (Eph 1:5) chosen because His Son opened the way for us to be carriers of His glory. That, is a purpose no one can talk you out of.
Hope over you today! Susanna x