#5 You'll find me leaning
This is my success: to love you and be loved by you..and with a big yes in my heart and spirit I lift my heart to heaven and embrace the beauty of Jesus a fresh. Only he truly satisfies, in every season, in every circumstance - all of creation finds their identity in his beautiful person. So I lean in, with my weak frame and weak prayers, with my mind full of distractions & dreams. I lean, trusting, hoping, believing, leaning on his kindness, his beauty, his promises.
When my ‘yes’ feels small and insignificant, and when I’m not sure how to respond with my wholehearted belief in his goodness and his plans. When I have a lack of hunger and desire after Jesus face, and when the words don’t seem to come. When he's cutting off dead branches and refining my character, and pruning those to produce more fruit than ever before. When my mind is full of doubt, and when I don't see the big picture of his wonderful plans. There you’ll find me leaning.
When the pleasures of this worlds seem so close, and my mind is tempted to fill my heart and capacity with dry, barren, lifeless things.. when the longing to be with him isn’t there and when my prayer is barely a whisper, 'you’re the one that I love.. Jesus, you’re the one that I love.. I need your help to love you.’ There, you’ll find me leaning.
When the season is painful, and I don’t see any of the fruit, and its a struggle to abide. When my mind feels weak and my heart feels dry. When people call me immature and crazy for my choices to follow God. When I’m accused, stolen from, burnt out, sick, spoken about and when I’m at my lowest and my mind is tempted to regret the yes in my heart… There, you’ll find me leaning.
When the YES in my spirit matches the YES in my actions, and when I feel his kindness, presence and power daily. When the provision comes through at the last minute and I’m left on my knees in adoration and praise for how he works. When my heart is so surrendered that nothing is too big and my faith moves spiritual mountains. When my intercession sees captives set free and the joy of laying down my life is easy. When my heart is tender to his beautiful presence and there's nothing I'd rather do than spend all day with him. There, you’ll find me leaning.
And one day when I see him face to face and experience him in all his humble humanity with deep kindness in his eyes.. as he locks eyes with me with and gives me that beautiful, knowing smile of the history we carry together. When the day comes that I’ll be able to lock eyes with him and say that I KNOW him. I know his purposes, his voice, his motives and the beauty of his humanity. To lock eyes and know that this relationship is beyond any other, is more satisfying, is more life giving, than any other on earth. There, you'll find me leaning.