So here I am - 8 months down this crazy road that Jesus has been leading us on. How can I even gage how He’s touched and moulded my heart? 552.
The number of hours I’ve spent in the prayer room in the last months. The number of hours I’ve cried, sat, prayed, and vulnerably placed my weak yes before Him asking Him to mould me into a vessel worthy of His plans. Truthfully, the number of hours I’ve sat in total boredom, looking at the clock, wishing that they wouldn’t sing that same song again, and again. They number of hours I’ve chosen to press in and lock my phone away from my wandering eyes. The number of hours I’ve been convicted again and again by my total humanness - when my flesh is screaming out that pressing in won’t do a thing, but my spirit yearns just for a touch from Him.
The number of hours I’ve felt dry and barren, only to be met with the gracious river of His beautiful presence. The presence that gently reveals to me how much closer my roots could be planted to His life giving waters. The number of hours I’ve fought distraction, only to give in and be sadden by the wasted hours I could be spending drinking in all He wants to say. The journals I filled with the same prayers over and over again - "make my yes real Jesus, grow my heart in love for You.” And the beautiful revelation and encounter He lavished on me as He wooed me closer with gentle whispers of love.. that giving it all for love is enough, love is the reward of love.
The countless tear stains on the book of the Song of Solomon as He revealed to me how He see’s me amidst the struggles to lock eyes with His beautiful gaze. That amidst the struggle He sees me as beautiful, worthy, worth everything He had to give on that cross. The beautiful story He is writing over humanity - and the wonderful ending that Jesus has planned to truly bring the church into victorious love as she leans in with everything.
It’s been a roller coaster to say the least, and truthfully it hasn’t been easy to sit, pace, and stand in the same room for so long. But even in all the highs and lows, He truly has been faithful to grow my heart in ways that I can’t even imagine. The deepest delight and highest calling of my life - to learn to love You Jesus.
So where to from here? Above all, we just want to go where he says - and clearly God's not done with this intense training season. So off to Africa & the Middle East we’re going to serve with Iris Global. We’re heading to Mozambique to do their Harvest School of Missions for the next four months - to test and put hands to all Jesus has grown in our hearts this year. To say that He truly is worthy of our utmost lovesick obedience, what a joy to follow a King worth everything we have to give Him.
I’m not sure if I’ll ever create artworks and run a business again, and at the moment - I’m totally okay with that. This space will continue to become a place where I can share the journey with others, and I hope it encourages your heart to say yes to Jesus more and more.