Oh how I need You
Switzerland, Feb 2016. Yeshua, this truly has become my hearts cry over the last season. Oh how I need You! Without you I’m Much-Afraid, I’m a mess of thoughts and plans and ideas that really only amount to my own desires. You have begun to transform your desires to be my desires. You have transformed my heart to start to want what you want over anything that I do. You’ve taught me how to die, how to let the seed fall to the ground and become nothing so that you can plant me into your purposes, as a willing vessel. (John 12:24)
I needed You the most when I realised how much bigger your plan and story for the world is than just my little life. You’re weaving a beautiful tapestry of grace and power - so many prophetic passages you are fulfilling in my lifetime, bringing forth the beauty of your Son, the King of all the earth. Honestly I’m so overwhelmed that you would even let us be apart of your story, honoured feels like a cheap word. As we sat in the house of prayer that overlooks Jerusalem and sang out of your goodness, it hit me that we were being apart of the fulfilment of Isaiah 62:6 - that we were literal watchman posted on the walls of your great city. Again, all I can say is that I need you - I can’t even pray without your help, and certainly not intercede for your people. Your plan is so perfect, and we submit to your leadership Jesus.
Today as we sit in a little apartment that overlooks the mountains of Switzerland (which you so graciously gave us!), all I can think about is your faithfulness. The fact that you would make this little short time apart of your plan for us blows me away. A few weeks ago I started reading Hinds feet on high places, the beautiful story of Much-Afraid as she makes the journey to the high places. And here I am, looking out on the high places, the pinnacle of what you’ve taught me the last 12 months. Deep surrender. Deep trust. Forever falling and never in control.. yet completely safe on your path through the waves and the storm. You’ve taken me on a journey of being Much-Afarid, Anxious One, to transforming my name into Grace, into Glory, into Surrendered Trust.
The best part is that your glorious plan is not even a bit complete.. that with one life yielded to you Holy Spirit you can create such a beautiful tapestry of grace and beauty. That even in the in-between seasons, the ones that are not glamorous and don’t call for the attention of the masses.. that you are creating a story of beautiful humility, of complete surrender and trust. That the lower and less seen we are the more able you are to create something far greater with our little yes. Like the Great Shepherd said “the truth is that all the fairest beauties of the human soul, it’s greatest victories and achievements, are always those which no one sees. Every conquest over self love is a new flower on the tree of love.” (Hinds Feet on High Places)
So as we journey home and take our little yes to a familiar place with all of it’s comforts and routine, I continue to say that Yeshua I need you more than ever. Now that you have made me Surrendered Trust I need your help to live in that identity always. That my deepest love for you will outshine even the darkest day of winter. That Yeshua I love you with every part of my being and my desire is only for you. That I’m okay with being weak, being lowly, poor in spirit, that I actually feel more broken and helpless in my ability to do any ministry or do anything for you without You. Help me to never loose that. Because you spoke so clearly to me that it’s only when we are completely un-able in ourselves that you are made able.
With deepest love, Surrendered Trust